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The House Mouse Chronicles

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As a vegan, the  worse ethical pickle after clandestine beeswax in your lipsil or using your Mum’s Dove shampoo when you’re out of guilt free stuff, is trying your utmost compassionate best to live at peace with a loose rodent!

I would LOVE to think I could live in harmony with this little critter who is currently at the height of rodent luxury; with a nest directly beneath my pyjama drawer. His pad comprises an expansive colour range of tissue paper he helped himself to from my crafting box,  and infused with sandalwood from an empty incense tube I was too lazy to pick up. And lo- it appeared here. Displaying 2016-12-14 10.12.44.jpgJudging by the amount of droppings I’m finding, he’s not courteously using it as a loo.

From what I can see, it’s only one; one little, even cute mousey whose gratified rustling after a long night’s gnawing has earned him the name Russel (I refuse to call him Nora). However therein currently lies the problem. Russel has driven me out my own room into the spare room on account of his urgent need for dental contouring. He woke me around five times last Friday night as he continued gnawing despite my intermittent knocks and drawer slamming, right up until 9.30 am!

Living with Russel requires a different breed of compassion entirely. It’s being able to draw a line between treating an animal as an equal and denying yourself basic rights like sleep! Survival of the fittest eh? After all that’s what he’s doing (though I’m unsure chewing my throw was a matter of survival).

I did uncover his lair- and what a boudoir it is! Russel is definitely out to impress. I have no idea where he got the peacock feather. His Christmas decorations are slightly out of date though!

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Naturally ‘house mouse’ is currently at the top of my Google search and predictably dredges up thousands of warnings re chewed possessions, house fires and poisonous wee. So far Russel’s worst offence is keeping me awake and I’m reluctant to believe he’d be capable of such turmoil (well apart from the chewing) and thus far does not appear to have touched any wires. I think my hoards of crafting papers etc are far more exciting than wires, however he has snaffled more than enough of my luxury heart tissue paper so I’ve put my stash out of reach of Russell’s plunderous paws.

My other concern is that Russel is in fact Nora, and if she has babies then they are at risk if and when they are discovered by my parents who may not be so merciful under such circumstances!

So with regret for Russel’s penchant for the finer nests in life, I shall purchase a humane mousetrap in order to claim back my room and the ability to sleep! Even in the spare room I am either lying awake wondering what mischief my minuscule usurper is getting up to or yes- even dreaming about it!

He is probably scaling the heights of hotel del vegan, swinging from the light shade like some tiny trapeze artist and bouncing upon soft sheets of the finest deluxe tissue wrapping!

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